The Decision to have an Open International Adoption

Open International Adoption is an option in some countries. We are living proof. Some of the reasons folks decided to adopt domestically are because the adoption is open. We like that aspect of domestic adoption, but we were really scared off by the chances of the birth mother changing her mind several months into the adoption. We then decided international was the best option for us personally, but we still regretted that we might never know our child's birth family. When we chose Guatemala, we soon found out that we would know quite a lot about our child's immediate birth family. We adopted our son, Joseph Daniel in September 2002. He was 7 months old when we brought him home.

When we were in Guatemala to pick up Joey we had hoped we could meet his birth mother, Maria. We had a lot of information about Maria from the social worker report done during her relinquishment of Joey and we really wanted to meet her, thank her and get photos of her and her older children for Joey's life book. It was so important to us to get as much information about Joey's birth family before to much time had passed. The reason for this is because the extreme poverty in Guatemala causes a lot of families to move frequently to find work. If we waited to long we may never get the chance to meet Maria and Joey's siblings.

The attorneys in Guatemala do not encourage meetings with birth families because the birth families have been known to ask for financial assistance and even ask adoptive families to get them a visa to live in the United States. Even though this is rare, the attorneys don't like to take the chance. Not to mention, they are so busy with other adoptions they don't have the time to facilitate birth parent and adoptive parent meetings. Since we did not get assistance from our attorney in Guatemala, we were not able to meet Maria. We did travel to our son's place of birth, but our driver could not locate the address we had for Maria. While this was very disappointing, we did get an opportunity to see the rural countryside and take lots of pictures for Joey to see when he is older.

We went home still hopeful that we could some how make contact with Maria. After a few months home, I logged on to the Internet…. an international adoptive parent's best friend. I began to research Guatemala and how we could make contact with Maria. I was so lucky when I was sent an email from a perfect stranger after I inquired on a Yahoo Group board about our search for our son's birth mom. The lady who sent me the email had used a very kind intermediary in Guatemala to search for her daughter's birth mom. The intermediary was fluent in English and Spanish and had done over 70 successful birth mother searches for adoptive families across the globe. She emailed me the intermediary's email address and I contacted her right away. I got an email back from Sue, the intermediary, about 3 hours later. She emailed me all the information she needed from me to do the search and what her minimal fees were. Now was our chance!

I talked to my husband about it, and we told our immediate families that we intended to search for Joey's birth family and give them a letter and pictures of us with Joey. A few family members said we were opening a can of worms and that we may not like what we hear back. Most family members were surprised but happy and said this could only be a good thing for Joey when he gets older, regardless of how the relationship pans out. So we took a leap of faith and sent the paper work to Sue to locate Maria.

By the time we contacted Sue and sent her the paper work Joey had turned one year old. I knew that Maria was thinking of Joey during his first birthday and my heart went out to her knowing she was probably in pain during this time. I hoped Sue could find her quickly so Maria could have peace of mind that her child was in a loving home and was safe.

Ten days after Fedex-ing the paper work to Sue, I got a lengthy email. It was from Sue--she had found Maria! I was so emotional while reading the email. Sue described how she found Maria, which was a blessing from God. Maria had moved several times since her last known address, and a visitor at one of the residences just happened to know Maria and where she was currently living. The visitor took Sue to Maria's humble home. Sue told me she saw a child sitting in front of the home and she asked the child if Maria was home. The child went inside to get Maria. Maria came to the door and was frightened at first that a stranger was looking for her. Sue told her she had information on Nestor Mauricio (Joey's birth name). Maria immediately brightened and invited Sue into her home. They sat down at a table at the end of a one-room home with a dirt floor. There was one large bed at the other end of the room, which Sue assumed Maria slept with all her children. She said the home was very poor, but very clean and decorated with pictures of extended family.

Sue asked Maria if she could read, Maria said she could. Sue handed her our letter and Sue said Maria cried as she read our words to her. She then looked at all the pictures we had sent of Joey, our extended family and us with Joey. She was so happy to finally know Joey was ok and that he was obviously loved very much. She told Sue she had thought of Joey often and never dreamed that she would ever know us or how he was doing. After the initial shock, she was overjoyed and thanked Sue profusely for finding her.

Sue asked her if she could take pictures of her and Joey's siblings. She obliged and asked if they could change into their best clothing before she took any photos. Sue saw many children at the home and asked who the other children were. Maria said they were her sister's children. Sue then took photos of Joey's cousins as well. That was something extra special we were not expecting.

We intend to help Joey's siblings obtain an education in Guatemala. Currently only the oldest child goes to school. Sue told us it costs $85.00 per year to send one child to school. We hope to provide the money needed to educate them through their schooling years. It's not a lot of money, and you cannot put a price tag on education. It could mean a better life for them all, including Maria, as she grows older and more dependent on her children.

Maria is excited to know that we will remain in contact with her once a year and that she will get photos of Joey over his lifetime. We will also get photos of her and the children as well. This is a huge gift for Joey, as he gets older. He will not have to know the longing or pain associated with not knowing his biological roots. Those questions will be answered for him over his lifetime. He may one day want to go to Guatemala and meet Maria and his bothers and sisters. If so, we are behind him 100%. We are very secure in the fact that he will know us as Mom and Dad. But he will know he is different and to have a connection to that biological difference will mean the world to him and make his life that much more fulfilling.

If you are considering adopting overseas, but wonder if your future child will long for information about his biological roots, please consider adoption from Guatemala. There are currently more children needing homes than there are adoptive parents willing to adopt. This option could be the best of both worlds.

~Laurie Burns