Deciding to Stop Medical Treatment

I highly recommend a few things to all infertility patients:

Take breaks from treatment. Often we feel compelled to press forward when a breather can make a tremendous difference in your attitude and decision making ability. Allow time for you and your partner to get back to a good place before beginning again.

I also think it is incredibly important that you set small, achievable goals together as a couple. Steve and I dealt in 4-month increments so that we felt like our healthcare was under our control. For example, we decided that I would do four cycles of tests before we made any life altering decisions about our treatment course. We also decided that we could mentally, physically, and financially handle four cycles of the injectible drug Repronex and IUI before taking a break and moving on to the next stage in our infertility.

These milestones are particular to each couple and must be decided in concert with one another. You and your spouse will not always feel the same way at the same stage of treatment, so it is very important that you remain open to one another and that you continually re-evaluate what is important in your lives.

When should we consider stopping treatment?

This is a very personal decision. In our home, we mutually agreed that we were willing to do the injections and the intrauterine insemination (IUI) but that we'd rather spend our money on adoption than IVF treatment. THIS IS A HIGHLY PERSONAL DECISION-One that must be made by the partners together. We viewed IVF as an incredibly valuable treatment option, but for us, we decided to spend our money on adoption simply as a personal choice. You should not ever coerce, force, threaten, or in any way demand that your spouse bow to your will. You will be in effect sacrificing your marriage for reproduction.

A few practical things to help you evaluate your decision about stopping treatment.

1) When your physical, emotional, and financial resources have been depleted.

2) When all therapeutic options have been exhausted without achieving pregnancy or carrying the pregnancy to viability.

3) When a health issue or condition arises that might make pregnancy or treatment dangerous.

4) When age becomes a mitigating circumstance.

5) When the infertility struggle begins to affect the quality of the marriage and the relationship.

Things to Consider

1) Make sure you feel confident about the level of healthcare you have received and get at least one second opinion.

2) Take some time off from treatment and get a little distance from the problem before evaluating it.

3) Discuss with your spouse the reality that the two of you will face if you stop treatment. You will experience two major, real losses: you will not have a biological child and you will not experience pregnancy. Make sure that you both understand this and are willing to cope with this reality. It is important that you do not always ask yourself "what if".

4) Make a list of all of the negatives/positives to continuing medical treatment.

5) Envision your life in one year; five years; ten years. Will you be able to live with this decision?

6) Make sure that you and your partner agree upon how to explain your decision to family and friends. Not everyone will support or understand your decision to stop treatment in our "try and try again" culture.

If you and your spouse are not in agreement about the decision to stop treatment, it is a very good idea to seek professional counseling. This is a very personal, difficult decision. I maintain that it is never acceptable to sacrifice the marriage in the pursuit of children-remember that if things go as life intends, you will only have your children in your home for 20+ years, but your spouse should be around for 50+ years.